You may -or may not!- have noticed a significant lack on input on this little platform of mine over the past few months. I'm sorry.
For those of you that like to check in here once in a while, I know the little sigh of disappointment when a blogger hasn't written anything since your last visit. You crave a small moment to step into somebody else's world -so different from your own- only to realise that perhaps today you will have to revisit a previous escape into this world.
You see this blog isn't some sort of business endeavour for me. I have nothing to sell, I'm not a photographer or a writer, I don't have a project I want to raise awareness of. I just like to share this world of mine to anybody who is humble enough to share their time to read it.
Lately in this Little World of mine not much has been happening. Winter is here and it shuts down the more exciting aspects of farm life, leaving instead muddy footprints, cold mornings and short gloomy days. Of course that wonderful glimmer of lambing is looming on a Spring like horizon. Its peeking over the top of March, hiding in April and settling in with the daffodils. I can see it and I'm waving at it, telling it to be kind and make friends with the sunshine.
For some, the occurrence of 'not much happening' might equate to a less than satisfying time. But no. That is very much not the case. You see normally Winter clings onto my clothes and makes me withdraw into dark evenings, spent sitting on the Rayburn for warmth and sends my mind into semi hibernation. But this Winter hasn't been so bad.
I've realised that for -what is possibly- the first time ever in my 27 years, I'm happy with the cold and wet. I'm not happy about it, but my mind itself is in a happy place. I haven't felt that muddled, slow feeling I normally have during the colder months. That's not to say I've felt particularly energised in any sense!! But overall, I'm very content.
Without thinking too much about it (because I believe that's a sure fire way to ruin a happy thought) I think it's because I've discovered the wonderful world of acceptance. I'm sure I'm not alone in admitting that I compared an unhealthy amount of aspects in my life to other peoples. I based my happiness on how 'Instagram worthy' I felt my life was compared to those online. The fact that these people only portray a life of their own imagining, not -in fact- their real life didn't enter my head.
Why spend your time pouring over beautiful, but staged photos and make yourself feel crappy in comparison? Why fantasise over someones interior decor when you know that realistically its just not a functional way to live? Why spend money on clothes you wouldn't normally wear because you saw one of your favourite bloggers wearing it well..... because it sure as hell wont look like that on you. I love the 'muted, dark, minimalistic styles I see on some bloggers. Yet.....
.....In reality my skin and hair colour suit soft pastels and off trend fits- give me big, baggy hareem trousers with a funky tank top. Give me long, flowing skirts adorned with flowers. Give me floaty dresses that tickle me knees.
I'm never going to be able to pull of the 'neat and tidy' style I see on others. Because I'm not. Nothing about me is neat and tidy. My skin is splashed with random moles and freckles. My hair refuses to be tamed in any way, shape or form. My mind (as a dyslexic) doesn't see an untidy self, it sees higgldypiggldy and likes it.
First comes acceptance and then happiness in that acceptance.
Comparing is quite possibly one of the most soul destroying activities I've ever done, and I've done it for a very long time.
The learning to love yourself movement that seems to be taking over social media at the moment is all very well and good, but those poster women and men standing in the leading spots are not all in it to empower you to love yourself the way you are. Some of them are their for their own gratification and it astonishes me that others cannot see this. Social Media is incredibly powerful and can be used for both good and bad.
But along with acceptance I've also learnt to take my eyes away from the screen and listen to whats in my head. To then look back with fresh eyes and discover a whole new perspective on what is really just a very clever marketing campaign.
What is the purpose of this post? I'm not sure really, perhaps to document a positive change in my life? Perhaps to vent some of the emotions I've felt recently? Perhaps to help others overcome the constant urge to change themselves..... Perhaps I've done one to many night shifts in a row and I'm talking complete and utter rubbish?!
Whatever you take from this post, I hope it made you think.
Guess who got a snazzy camera for Christmas ;)